“Hi Sis, it’s me! Guess what! You’ll never guess what I just heard!
“Well, remember that family when we were girls back home, they had all those red-headed daughters? Forgot their names; darn this memory. They lived around the corner from that weird house that was painted such an icky green, the one with all the whiny kids? I swear that awful green was enough to ruin everybody’s disposition, even the cat was mean.
“Anyway, back to the redheads, the oldest one, can’t think of her name but she was the oldest, or maybe second oldest, anyway she was the knock-kneed one; good softball player but she couldn’t run bases, every time she came around 1st her left knee caught on the right one and down she went. She never did make it to 2nd.
“Their dad was a farmer, no red hair there, he was as bald as a hard-boiled egg. He had what they call a “straw-hat” tan, took his hat off and the top half of his head shone like the Capitol Dome.
“One of those girls had kinda pinkish hair, really flaky (her, not her hair), anyway she dated that jerk guy whose aunt worked check-out at the MINI-MART. That woman never stopped talking on her cordless phone, first one we ever saw in town. Customers could be lined up clear back to the Deli, she didn’t care.
“Summers got so hot back there people in line would open the freezer door just to cool off. Somebody was always skidding on melted ice cream. Mint Chocolate Chip, I think. That clerk knew we were all in a hurry to get home for the ‘I LOVE LUCY ‘ reruns but she wouldn’t leave that darned phone alone.
“One of their uncles married into that big family of screwballs who lived across the highway from the Drive-In Movie, well maybe kitty-corner; O.K., a mile or so down. East? West? how can I remember?
“One of the guys delivered pizzas, he always smelled like oregano, never could get a date. When an order came in he’d slap that lit-up PIZZA sign on top of his rusty old junker and take off like a deputy sheriff chasing a stray dog.
“Then there was that freckled girl about 12 or so? Got braces on her teeth? Couldn’t remember not to chew gum? She spent a whole month picking JUICY-FRUIT out of her teeth. She finally outgrew picking at her nose, then she started in with the braces.
“Another brother, or was it a cousin? They looked so much alike you could hardly tell them apart, one was tall and skinny, the other one short and fat, but I swear, the same face. They were always in trouble.
“Remember when the short, fat one got caught at the DRIVE-IN sprinkling garlic powder on the popcorn in the concession stand? Spoiled all the make-outs parked in the last row? Everybody had to sit up and roll their windows down. Some of them hadn’t watched a movie in weeks.
“Those two were friends with that goofy guy who slid an ‘I LUV U’ Valentine candy on my desk in 8th grade English. I backhanded that thing off on the floor so fast! Was I ever glad I didn’t encourage him. His wife and twin babies came to high school graduation! Those babies didn’t look a bit like him, either.
“So anyway, as I was saying…
“They got engaged! they actually got engaged!
“WHO? What do you mean WHO got engaged?
“I just told you WHO!!
“You need to pay attention! TURN UP YOUR HEARING AIDS!!!”